“Now there is one outstandingly important fact regarding Spaceship Earth, and that is that no instruction book came with it.”
—Chapter 4 of “Operating Manual for Spaceship Earth” (1969)
In an ongoing attempt to jump-start your attempt to pen something uproariously funny, or at the very least amusing, here’s another jolt of inspiration for you creative types to use however you like.
It’s been a month since you received that IKEA Christmas gift from Grandma. You’ve opened the box and the parts all seem to be there. So why haven’t you assembled it? Maybe you’re having trouble reading the instructions?
For this prompt, write your own humorous instructions for any product. Proper usage of a bar of soap. How do you sneeze? Gene splicing? Teach us how to do something in the most ridiculous way possible. #HelpMePrompt
When you’ve finished, if you feel compelled, share your results (or a link to your results if they’re longer) in the comments. And if your story fits with our upcoming theme issue, “Winning,” consider submitting it for publication in National Pasquinade.
Happy writing.
Trimming Your Nose Hair
Find a well lit, stationary place with a dry, level floor.
Use sharp scissors that fit comfortably inside your nostrils.
Do not insert scissors more than 1/2 inch (12.7 mm) into your nostrils.
Do not attempt during earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, or other natural disasters, or if you are hallucinating, hysterical, heavily self-medicated, prone to involuntary twitching, engaging in sexual activity, fantasizing about sexual activity, giving birth, thinking about giving birth, grocery shopping, constipated, incontinent, easily startled, easily offended, trying to fend off a swarm of stinging insects, conducting an orchestra, exercising, or yelling at heavy machinery.
Feel free to add to the list if you like this, Ed! Cheers!