Today marks the fiftieth anniversary of the premiere of A Charlie Brown Christmas. So, naturally, all the main characters have grown up and talk like “wah-wah wah-wah-wah…” Right? While the long-running holiday classic will always portray the Peanuts kids in their youthful innocence, in this week’s Listeria we envision a cast of Peanuts characters who have grown up and enjoyed many sexual exploits (or in some cases, maybe not… good grief!) and maybe gained one or two weird fetishes.

So this week’s Listeria topic is Dirty Peanuts (and do not, I repeat, DO NOT look that up in the Urban Dictionary). Just dirty up a Peanuts character. For example:

Marcie is now a lesbian porn star that goes by the name “Peppermint Panties”

Dominatrix Lucy still charges five cents per consultation

Linus will not leave his New York apartment unless he’s wearing chiffon

To play, post your own on Twitter to @pasquinade with the hashtag #DirtyPeanuts, comment on the post on our Facebook page, or comment here. I encourage you, as well, to share this post freely. Previous weeks, listed below, are still open. The more folks playing the game, the more fun everyone has reading them. Then, just make a crapload of toast and popcorn, let a few friends invite themselves over, and enjoy the fun.

Maybe one of your posts will be featured in the next ebook issue of National Pasquinade.

Previous Weeks:

Week #6: Christmas Creepy

Week #5: Turkey Bands

Week #4: Mock the Terrorists

Week #3: Things to Do With Your Extra Daylight Savings Hour

Week #2: Rejected Old Wives’ Tales

Week #1: New Fears That a 2017-20 Republican Presidency Would Bring